Home.

We came home today to flowers, cards and a very clean house. ( thank you Diella). The love, support and solidarity shown for Kourtney and our family has been amazing. Shae stole my heart as many times she is the forgotten trooper of the bunch. . We are so fortunate to have family and friends that live close thar were available  for her. But what thrilled me most would  be most patents worst nightmare. Shae had a sleepover ( with our permission) , like I said the house was clean when I came home. She even cooked breakfast for her friends ( yes there was 2, and the dishes were cleaned.up) She knew how important it was to me to come home to everything in order. She held it together until we got home, but the tears flowed when she first saw Kourtney. The two girls have worked through their  sibling rivalry and have developed a strong connection. I love that.

So how is Kourtney doing? Her pain has been minimal which is a huge relief after the pain crisis she went through 5 weeks ago. She was able to crack a few jokes about her missing hand today which is alwways a good sign. She has had to restrain me from strssing out about every little thing. But she wants me around, so in my opinion she asks for it. Her and I have an amazing bond and although most of the time we clash I would not ever ever let her go through this  with anyone but me by her side.

As for me the dull ache is gone. November 2017  is when I had to come to terms with taking Kourtney in to see Dr C.  I could not bring myself to make that phone call. My first day back to work after being in Disneyland I could not not shake this feeling of despair I was feeling. My wise friend Marlene started asking the right questions which caused the jailbreak of tears. She held me accountable for making the call to Dr C's office. ( little did she know she would be facing a cancer diagnosis as well- love you Matlene) When I got home the bond Kourtney and I share prevailed, as soon as I returned home. She looked at me and said, " we need to show Dr c my hand". This is how it unfolded, and now that dull ache has disappeared. I hoped it would have been a different outcome but deep down I knew amputation was the only answer.

Secretly I hoped that the tumour board would have had a case study for us to be a part of or would have suggested something different. So about the tumour board......Dr C is a good man however like most surgeons they take pride in the choices they make and the work they do. Dr C likes to pat himself on the back and is not always humble about the work he is done. Which is how a surgeon needs to be. This may come across as arrogance to some people but because we know him and have faith in him we appreciate it. After Kourtney's surgery Dr C said he just met with the tumour board about Kourtney's situation and their recommendation was for Kourtney to have her hand amputated. So he said " I am glad I made the right decision" As my daughter is back in her room post op!! It was humour that only we could appreciate.

But it's over. The cancer is gone, the pungent odour, the pain and the despair it has caused. I could draw parallels to this but I will leave it up to the pastors in my family to do this. We pray and hope that it won't show up for a long time, and Kourtney can start living again.

We will take one day at a time and not live in fear of what the future holds. Nobody knows what tomorrow will bring all we have is today.

Thanks for sharing along in our trial. We know it's the only way we can get through these terrible bleak moments.

 “Praying psalm 30 - (selected verses)
Weeping may last through the night, but joy comes with the morning.

Hear me, Lord, and have mercy on me.  Help me, O Lord.

You have turned my mourning into joyful dancing ... that I might sing your praises to you and not be silent. Oh Lord, my God, I will give you thanks forever!

”