It took my breath away!

We are back from Sunny Saskatchewan. We feel well rested  and were well taken care of by the entire Lutzer clan. Have to be honest.... it was one of the best times we had. The cold weather was outweighed by the warmth we received by family.

The crescendo of our full five days was Kourtney's talk about "making a difference". It was the first time Kourtney has been the guest speaker/ singer. The preparation for this was overwhelming for all of us. I took the task on providing the framework for her speech, and then Kourtney went through and added more and deleted items that she felt were more my words. Todd became the editor and fine tuned her speech, as well designed the PowerPoint.  The 3 of us work well together..... If we aren't all in the same room.

The morning of The banquet the last part of Kourtneys speech had to be written, the pictures on the PowerPoint organized. Kourtneys dressings needed to be done.So I decided to clean my mom's pantry?!! If any one knows my mom you know that she always is preparing food or having people over. She loves to cook and bake buns and cinnamon buns. This gift of hospitality  comes with a very well used kitchen pantry that needed some reorganization. ( I even had my dad go out and buy a label maker).

Cleaning the pantry was my way of coping that day. I woke up with a cold sore because I was so nervous about the evening. You see after 16 years of traveling the road of EB  it almost felt like we were entering the promised land . When Kourtney was first born I was given the promise that her life's purpose was to serve The Lord. However over the years as you know the road hasn't been straightforward, I was almost anticipating something to go wrong that day. But God saw fit to keep Kourtney healthy is the dry cold Saskatchewan weather. (which in the past has caused irritation to her eyes as well as skin infections)

The tension between Todd, Kourtney and myself was palpable as I was easily distracted from the finishing touches of Kourtney's speech, by a mystery spice in my moms pantry cupboard. This made Todd frustrated and Kourtney visibly distressed. Looking back it would have been quite the sight to see.

Shaelyn...... Was oblivious to all of this and even was had some  retail therapy with Grandma Charlene.

As I was getting Kourtney ready I said to her we are " here", we arrived..........

It was a fun banquet full of door prizes and trivia. I was unable to enjoy the food as I was so nervous. Kourtneys heart was pounding and so was mine.

When Kourtney started speaking it was like a silence fell over the room. Her voice was so clear and she read it so smoothly.  It took my breath away!!!There was enough humour sprinkled through it that the heaviness of the disease didn't overshadow the speech. Seeing Kourtney up there made me realize that a goal of Todd's and mine was accomplished Monday night February 11, 2014. Our daughter Kourtney was no longer the fragile butterfly to be pitied but  a butterfly that can greatly affect mankind! If there was one moment in time I could make sense out of her suffering.....it was that evening.

On a side night I have to mention our dear sweet Shae . She is an amazing child with an ability to draw people in ( especially her  younger cousins) with her calming sweetness. As well accolades to Todd for putting up with all my families idiocycrancies and using his musical talents to serve The Lord. I know many husbands would have not taken on what he did this week for my family. He is a great man!!!

We are back in dreary BC but have found new purpose and new perspective. I have officially become Kourtneys. Manager..... So if you ever need a good little speaker let me know!!!!

Embarking on a new journey!

The next few days are going to be B.U.S.Y.!  I have taken yet another new rotation at work, and I have been on permanent nights (Tuesday, Wednesday and Saturday). I constantly feel like I am either recovering from a night shift or trying to rest before a night shift. The permanent nights will be finished this week and then we are headed to Regina for 5 days of fun in the sun!!! (I didn't say warm, but at least it will be sunny)!

So why on earth (literally) would we go to Regina in the middle of winter where the latest temperatures have been hovering in the -25 degrees Celsius range? Flights to Regina are not cheap; more than double what it costs to fly to Arizona!

The reason we're going to Regina in the middle of winter is because Kourtney will be a guest speaker/ singer at a fundraising banquet for Align Ministries.  My brother, Murray, and his wife, Shannon, are leading this ministry in Regina.  It is Kourtney's first official speaking engagement; one where she will be able to share her life story and parallel it with how difficult it is just to be a teenager. So exciting for this God-given opportunity because I know that this is what is going to give Kourtney purpose in her suffering.  It's well worth a pricey trip to cold (and sunny) Saskatchewan. We are praying that it will be a positive experience for Kourtney as well as the rest of our family (thanks to Uncle Murray for believing in Kourtney!!!!)

Yes, all of us are going to Regina on Thursday, but, why are we all going? Well, Todd needed to go so he could accompany Kourtney on the guitar as she sings, and Shae and I both could not bear the thought of the two of them going to Saskatchewan without us. For me it has been one of *loneliest* seasons.  I am not sure if it's because of my night shift routine or my lack of exercise due to my back problems, but I am struggling with the "cloud of depression".  For anyone who struggles with depression you know that feeling. Most of the times I can deal with it, but this year it has been extremely difficult to get through it. I have come to realize it is part of my DNA but when I go through this the two things that help me are making sure I get enough sleep and exercise;  the same two things I have been lacking for the past 2 months. I just hope that going to Saskatchewan doesn't exacerbate my feelings of loneliness. I think Todd is secretly praying for cold weather while we are there to deter any thoughts of us moving to the windy city.

As of now, the talk Kourtney will be doing just needs some finishing touches to it, however helping her write her story has been a very healing and rewarding experience for both her and I. We realize how far we have all come since her birth in 1997. We have been through some very difficult times, but we are able to say we have gotten through it with our faith stronger and with a very intact family unit.  It  makes us realize that there can be "blessings in our sufferings".  This week I was reminded over and over again of God's faithfulness to our family when Kourtney and Todd led the worship at church and Shae played basketball and scored the most points for her team. It makes me realize that despite our trials each one of us have found our "niche" and have become stronger because of it.

Please pray for us this week, WE almost can expect an attack from the enemy because we know that God is going to do great things next Monday night, February 11th.