ARIZONA HERE WE COME

Last year, when I was being counselled, one of the words that made sense of how I was feeling was resentment. No matter how much we fought Kourtney's skin disorder it still controlled our family and especially me. For way too many years I attempted to do everything on my own because I felt I was Kourtney's mom and had to do everything for her. I felt a sense of guilt when other people tried to help out or when we had to make special requests for our special family. I have always been very independent - I moved from Regina to Abbotsford when I was 22, knowing my cousin and one other friend! Trying to shoulder the load on my own landed me in the state I was in last year.

I learned that I was not responsible for anyone else but my family and the only way I could take care of them was if I looked after myself. I have taken huge strides in stepping back and looking after myself. I have been surrounded by many wonderful friends and family locally that are willing to help out and recognize that our whole family has special needs. I no longer feel resentment and I am beginning to reap the richness of life by taking the barrier down.

Which brings me to our trip planned for spring break. We are going to Arizona to visit Todd's family that lives there. When I was expecting Kourtney, and trying to pick out names, (what goes well with KUJAWA!!??) Todd's cousin was getting married and on the wedding invitation I saw the most beautiful name "Kourtney Kujawa" loved it and claimed it. I then met her and at the time her fiancee Jay, Kourtney is tall, delicate, blonde, beautiful, and soft gentle spirit. I knew that if we were having a girl that is what her name would be . . . as the story goes.

After Kourtney was born we met up with Kourtney and Jay on their visits to Vancouver. This summer though there was a "connection" to their family and that is when we started planning a trip to Arizona for spring break.

We were graciously offered an apartment owned by their family. As much as we wanted to stay there I began thinking about how much easier it is to manage dressing changes and Kourtney's special needs in a hotel room. I have found that hotel dressing changes are so much easier to manage when we are away because we can use towels and sheets from the hotel and believe me we go through a lot of them for a dressing change and hotels come with maids! We sometimes end up doing 2 loads of laundry a day and clean the tub out thoroughly before and after a dressing change. Todd and I both decided that although staying in hotel would be more expensive it would be way easier for us to manage and also give us access to a pool for Shaelyn to use while the dressings were being done. The old Janelle would have sucked it up and would have spent most of her holiday doing laundry, and cleaning the bathroom. The new and improved Janelle made a decision that would be the best for her with a ripple of effect to the rest of her family.

To make a long story short. Kourtney's husband Jay managed to have us stay at a 5 star resort in Tuscon for free. We were stunned by the graciousness that has been bestowed upon us once again. Thanks Jay and Kourtney for arranging this for us!! WE are so looking forward to connecting with you guys - and the rest of the extended Kujawa family.

I have to say that although we have faced despair in our lives we have also experienced richness that goes beyond what our minds can conceive. I would not trade my life or experience for a "normal" life. We live each day fully, we embrace what life has to offer and take each moment as it comes knowing that no matter what gets put in our paths we can overcome it.