DONE AND DONE!

I have sweet Kourtney laying beside me sawing logs. She deserves this long winter's nap as the little trooper has wrapped up her first semester of highschool. She said both of her finals were easy; so proud of her. I was encouraged to see her skin this morning as I expected it would have taken more of a beating with all these final preparations. The kid is just so smart and picks up on things so easily. Her brain was so packed full this morning that she could not absorb anything more.

Have to say things are starting to settle down now. The winter storm is over for now. We all will be away the next 3 weekends so it will be busy, and hopefully not too upsetting to her. This week we are going to Kelowna, the week after a women's retreat and the week after that, Seattle.

So nice to be in the place of calm again!

Final Exams

Have to say, I had no clue that Kourtney's final exams would hit our family so hard. It is like a virus that has spread through our house, papers everywhere from the English Civil War to The First Canadian Explorers to the American Revolution. Grade 9 socials is difficult, however, I believe, we have conquered the giant. Yes "we". It has become personal, as Todd and I feel that Kourtney has flown under the radar in midldle school with her school assignments, and exams. Now, she is in the big leagues andwe are finding many holes in her learning that she needs to fill in!
Kourtney has done extremely well this semester, through our "gentle encouragement",  I think it has become almost more of standard than encouragement for her, so there is a lot anxiety for all of us. However, getting into University is a tough so we want to ensure that we set her up for success through her high school years.
It has been a bit difficult for Kourtney to study, I am pretty sure it is the medication she is talking, as well as the pain she has. I was very proud of her when she arranged a study date with her friends. It did my heart good to hear that she took the initiative to do that.
Have to say, that things are going better (this week). I always am cautious saying that because it generally comes back to haunt me later, but I feel it is important to accept the good days and not worry about what tomorrow brings.
We had lots of snow in Abbotsford, Kourtney had 2 snow days. (Shaelyn and Todd in Maple Ridge, no snow days; only 30 minutes away and such different weather). Friday morning our caregiver Kim showed up at her regular time 0600 am to start the day, and 2 minutes later we found out school was cancelled. We told Kourtney, and at 0600 am she started singing, I love the snow!! I Love the Snow. Kim and I started laughing. Such music to our ears.
I feel much better, somehow I feel a weight being lifted (maybe that is because I have put myself on a very strict exercise routine, as well really watching the food that enters my mouth)!  It is interesting how many of my coworkers (who don't read my blog) were very aware that I wasn't right. I guess I am very transparent. Depression is not something that you can hide very easily. I do feel though it has lifted. Have to say though, if it wasn't for my bff Angela encouraging me, supporting me, walking, talking, talking and talking, I probably would not have gotten through as well as I have. Thanks, my friend!
I hope to one day, share my struggle with depression at a mom's group at church. I believe that if you can learn to recognize its onset it can be managed.  I also feel there are things that you can do to alleviate depression, exercise, and have a BFF! I will one day, blog my story on depression, hmm maybe I will start on that now, since I am trying to keep myself awake on my night shift.

Grandma

My grandma at 101!

Well life changed quickly for us since my last post! We just got back from Regina, early this morning where we celebrated the "going home to heaven" party for my 103 year old Grandma. Her funeral was the last gift that she  gave to the whole Lutzer side of the family. We were so blessed to see so many uncles, aunts and cousins we have not seen in years.

The Gravestone my Grandpa is buried there!

My dad and brothers, matching caps!

My Grandma's legacy that has been left, has been one of Pure Dependance and Faith in Jesus. It was so important for my whole family to be there and see what happens when someone who loves Jesus dies. It is a celebration and a heaven homegoing! Wow! Incredible!

The 5 and still Alive!

Shae and Emer (do they look alike?)

Once again it was very difficult to leave my family. The girls especially had the most difficult time as they were surrounded by aunts, uncles and a whole lot of cousins. Once again we were reminded of the special bond that family shares and thankful we had the opportunity to go and be a part of this rich heritage.

All the H.Lutzer Grandchildren minus Luke, Ciara and the "bun in the oven"

Nate in the background, like his dad!

Clarise, Kourtney and Auntie Sharon

The Goodbyes!

Christmas is packed away!

Just spent the entire morning packing up Christmas 2012! When I put away decorations I take time to reflect of the events of Christmas. Although there are no signs of Christmas left except for the few stubborn pine needles that keep appearing, the memories of this one will be embedded in my memory forever! From my other posts there you know there was unrest in our home. It felt like we were shivering and nothing could stop the rigor. But once we got to Kelowna and heard the kids laughing and saw them being spoiled by their grandparents, being with family was like a warm blanket put over our family and gave us the much needed emotional rest that we craved. Our plans for one night in Kelowna turned into two as we could not pry our kids away from the bond that cousins share! We came back to Abbotsford from Kelowna on Christmas and shared a wonderful Chinese dinner with my parents as well as Todd's mom and dad. On Christmas day, my mom took charge in the kitchen and made an amazing turkey dinner! My brother and family joined us from Kelowna and when they arrived our house was instantly turned into the party house. From Sunday to Thursday there was never a dull moment, as my 75 year old dad became chief party planner extraordinaire and there was not a down moment. My mom and dad even did some dancing!

The continual partying between Christmas and New Years were traditions that I was accustomed to growing up. Over the years, the loneliness that I have felt over Christmas has been minimized by working, and being with fellow co-workers. My children knew nothing different and had become accustomed to the quiet Christmas. I am starting to think that this Christmas has left a pretty sweet taste in their mouth as to what Christmas was like for me growing up.

Meldon and his family left yesterday, but thankfully my parents are still here until January 5th, or else it would be very empty around here. However, my girls are already in mourning with the thoughts of their grandparents leaving, and the pressure of moving still weighs very heavily on us. Both of our girls are very aware of how lonely they are, and how much they miss being around their cousins. However, having my brother and family in Kelowna has been the best for all of us. A month ago we were unsure if they were going to be staying there, but it now is confirmed that they will stay there for awhile. As long as they are close, I have a feeling we will be staying put!

Kourtney has done extremely well; being busy is the best thing for her, however, she was so exhausted tonight that she said, "I just want to have a down day with Grandma Charlene and watch Anne of Green Gables." I think she deserves that. My dad, Todd, Shae and myself will go tubing tomorrow. Looking forward to it!

Jingles = Shingles

Since our trip in to Children's and the long awaited iron infusion, the red blood cells are starting to be produced and Kourtney's skin is doing something it hasn't done for a long time . . . heal. Also, her monthly skin swabs have been negative for the MRSA. I still have a hard time believing this as we thought it would be around for ever. I also have come up with a new concoction of creams and dressings that seems to provide a balance with healing, itchiness, as well as having the dressings not stick to the wound. We saw Dr. Courtemanche today. He seemed to approve of our concoction and was more than happy to look after Kourtney's ongoing needs.  He was more than pleased with the way Kourtney was looking and admired his "work of art" on her mouth and was his usual pleasant self.  However, he was quite concerned about me and told me he didn't think I was doing ok, and to tell you the truth, I have been barely holding myself together.

I have been fighting a very strange virus for about 2 weeks now. Extreme muscle pain, muscle pain leaves and a very runny nose starts, then a cold sore, just when I started to feel better I woke up with a painful, swollen neck and little painful sores all over my scalp. I have shingles. I need rest, but yet as all mom's know there is no rest for the wicked or the weary (I have been told it could go either way). I always thought that when the girls would get to be older they would be less needy. Quite the opposite! I think emotionally they have become more needy and dependant on me to assure them that they are ok. Kourtney has not been sleeping well at all and earned herself a trip to the pshychiatrist today (either me or her, she could get in sooner then I). We have increased her Elavil and the pshychiarist has given me the freedom to increase it incrementally until we have found the sweet dreams without a hangover!

As well the Christmas holidays started out with what the T. Kujawa's do best, renovate. Todd started to patch walls and painted the girls rooms. Kourtney has the teenager room (pink and grey) and Shaelyn a very, very bright green.  When the rooms are decorated there will be pictures to follow. The attribute that I love about Todd the most is also what I resent about him as well. Once he starts a project, there is no stopping until the job is done. While this is great for project completion it leaves me as a single parent trying to referee the spats between the girls, dressing changes, trips to Children's, Christmas shopping, and trying to get ready for Christmas.

Shaelyn and Jennifer

Which brings me to today. We will be packing our van and heading to Kelowna to meet up with my brother and his family, and to see my parents. We will stay overnight and then bring my parents back to Abbotsford where my brother and his family will join us for Christmas. The girls are so excited to see their grandparents and their cousins, and are excited about the ongoing party the next week with family around. I actually feel once my parents are here I can finally get some rest. It's not like they can help with Kourtney's dressings, but they do meet an emotional need for all of us, just by their presence. (I feel that the older I get the more needier I become!) My dad loves to go swimming, or to Castle Fun Park. My mom loves to bake buns and watch movies with Kourtney. So tomorrow morning when the van is packed I feel I will be able to let out a big sigh of relief knowing that my parents are going to be around.

MERRY CHRISTMAS!!!