The GOOD, The Bad, and The Ugly

The GOOD.

Kourtney's surgery is booked for June 23rd. All of our summer plans were hinged to this date so we have now have firmed up our plans for the month of July. My mom is coming out for the surgery, and we are looking forward to the visit. We will be having year end school parties and skipping parties. I am also being camp nurse at Stillwood for 2 weeks and we're taking a trip to Saskatchewan during the month of July. I will even be turning 40 and have put in my request for how we are going to celebrate. We are hoping the sun starts shining so we can officially open our pool soon. Kourtney has also written up a contract about her exercise plan for the summer including 3 visits to the gym each week (to think last year she would not even walk around the yard, now there have been sightings of Kourtney running around the track).

The BAD.

Last week Kourtney was at the Physio and although there has been an overall improvement in Kourtney's strength, her hips are still are a huge concern. Kourtney has developed some overall bad habits when it comes to her posture and like any normal person, she doesn't like to be corrected . Although she can correct her posture, she still does not have the stamina to remain in the posture. So we will now have to go see an orthopedic surgeon. They want to try some noninvasive procedures like botox to attempt straighten her out. Hi ho. Hi ho. It's off to Children's we go . . . and go . . . and go . . . and go.

The UGLY.

On Wednesday, Kourtney went to voice lessons and was so excited to share her song with us (which actually should be included in the good section), and out of the blue she started to choke again. She kept saying there was something in her esophagus. I felt it was more of a reflux issue so I gave her meds to attempt to relax her esophagus but nothing seemed to work. After about 5 hours her esophagus opened up and she was able to swallow again. Thursday morning it happened again, but it lasted all day. I had already had booked a spa appointment (I had had a gift certificate for 2 years). I didn't want to cancel, plus I had to give myself time to think what I was going to do to help her. I had done all my usual tricks but nothing was working. After my spa treatment my cell phone was full of messages that Kourtney was still unable to swallow and was terribly uncomfortable. So with the parrafin barely off my feet, my hands soft from the hand massage, and my face tingly from the facial, I began the laborious task of avoiding an emergency visit, getting Kourtney some Iv anti reflux meds, and arranging an iron infusion at the same time since she was booked for one the next day . First call was to Children's Hospital, Dr.Courtemanche wasn't around but Dr. Davis was. He was sympathetic but had his hands tied. He is American and doesn't quite get our system. Determined not to sit in the emergency room I phoned one of the doctors I worked with. He called the pediatrician on call and she called me back; quite willing to help me out. After about two hours on the phone, and making arrangements to go to the Abbotsford Hospital, curtailing an emergency visit and arrangements for an iron infusion, Kourtney yells out, "Praise the Lord I can swallow." Although I was relieved for her I felt frustrated. I called Dr. Davis, and the pediatrician to tell them that Kourtney could swallow and both felt that Kourtney needs a dilatation. Another consult and another surgery sooner than later. I felt a wee bit overwhelmed, so Todd and I went to Ironman 2 for some mindless entertainment. He's still trying to figure out if it's a true story ;)

Last night I couldn't sleep. Sometimes I still find it overwhelming how fragile Kourtney is and how one little issue can turn a day upside down. I was also dreading the trip into Children's and was thinking that Dr. Davis wasn't too impressed that he was having to quarterback Kourtney's care. Surprisingly the day turned out well. The traffic was light, the staff were friendly, Kourtney's IV slid in easily, and Dr. Davis was his usual chatty self and offered to be Kourtney's Primary Dr. (or quarterback - american style).

We just had a nice supper at Mom and Dad K's and everyone is chilling here doing there own thing. No more choking for Kourtney! We are thinking she has been having reflux from the flax seed oil which we've added to her feed for attempting her to gain weight. Who knows, but all we know that she needs to have it looked at. We are just glad we can leave it in the capable hands of a great Dr. to arrange it all. When we know there is a team of people pulling for us it makes a big difference!

Monday, Monday. You are so good to me.

Happy Birthday to my favourite mother-in-law Bev!! Looking forward to a celebration at the Olive Garden tonight.

How I loved this Monday because Sunday was one of the worst days of my life. Nothing went right, except my visit with Adrianna and Shirley in the morning, after that it was spiral downhill. So let me explain . . .

First of all Todd and I had just a wee bit of tension between us as I had ordered some new furniture and when our sectional arrived we both were a little shocked at how it looked. It wasn't exactly what we were expecting and it was a bit of a miscommunication between the salesman and myself. Kourtney loved it but I still had that down deep pit in my stomach that it wasn't what I had ordered.

If you know my dear sweet husband, black is black and white is white - no in betweens. The tension rose and I thought I would have to return the whole sectional. But then Todd began to arrange the sectional in a different order and took out one piece and voila, only one piece needs to be returned. The tension was gone and we both sighed as we sat in our recliner sofa. One cloud disappeared.

Second cloud was when Kourtney, choked on a cracker during communion at church on Saturday. We made a quick escape not to cause a scene in the church. She thought she had cleared her esophagus until she took a drink in the van as I was driving. She started choking again and turning a nice shade of blue. I almost hit another car, and drove home like a mad woman. She cleared her esophagus but the the next day she got plugged up again and it took 3 hours to clear. This means she can't even swallow her own saliva, so she has to constantly spit. I don't think we realize how much we swallow in 3 hours but it must be a lot. The pain is like heartburn, but antacids are ineffective. She sounds like a clogged drain when she tries to swallow.

To add insult to injury our PVR was not working and Kourtney couldn't watch her fav show. We had to get the cable company to reset the system, and were on the phone for at least 45 mins. The lady must of thought we were TV junkies, as Lorraine (our caregiver) described in great detail how important the TV show was and that it was the second last show before the finale. Kourtney cleared her esophagus and shouts out, "Praise the Lord" and then we all cheered and thanked her like she had saved our lives when the cable started to work.

Cloud number 3 was Lexi. She is at the pinnacle of her heat cycle and oh my she acted like a human with menstrual cramps. On Saturday we could not keep her settled as she wanted to go outside "to sow her wild oats", she whined so much that she was hoarse the next morning. The lament continued on Sunday hiding under the bed, in the bushes, behind the couch crying wanting to be left alone. We were all worried about her until I did some online education and came to the conclusion that some dogs in heat, do indeed act like that.

On top of this I had a mountain of laundry to fold, dressing change to do, and a house to tidy up. The only person who was unaffected by all of this was Shaelyn. She rubbed Lexi's tummy, put peanut butter in her Kong, made lemonade for Kourtney, offered to make some eyeballs for my morning company (the Kujawa smores), and told me she thought the couch was OK. Love that kid!!

I love this Monday, I woke up at 0530 expecting an overcast day, the sun was starting to make a early appearance, Todd was relaxed, Lexi greeted me with a wagging tail, Kourtney was unclogged , Shaelyn was her usual chipper self . . . and I am doing my most favourite thing in the world . . .blogging.

Consent signed.

Tuesday we once again graced Children's Hospital with our presence. I was so thankful that the dietician wasn't our only appointment otherwise I would have concluded that the trip was a complete waste of time. Basically she wanted us to increase her g-tube feeds gradually and give her a bolus of flaxseed oil (yep) in the mornings. We had been giving Kourtney flaxseed oil over the last year, but stopped it because we thought it wasn't helping her, but apparently it was helping her maintain her weight. So here we drove for 90 minutes, get put in the infectious holding room to greeted by a dietician clad in infectious gear: yellow gown, mask and gloves (because apparently Kourtney is infectious) and all she told us was to keep doing what we were doing. How humiliating. No other doctors or nurses do this but this woman feels compelled to follow the outdated protocol and not attempt to give us any ideas how we could boost her weight up.

Appointment number 2 was much more profitable, and comfortable! Kourtney decided that she wants to get her thumbs released. The plastic surgeon refused to operate on Kourtney until she was ready. So my brave little Kourtney told him that she wants the surgery done holding back her tears with the thought of skin grafting and painful dressing changes after. Dr. Courtemanche let Kourtney sign her own consent form. The irony came with the double handed signature that Kourtney has become accustomed to because her thumbs have become so fused into her palm. Exactly why she feels inclined to go through the pain of having surgery.

After the business was done, Dr. C opened himself up to us about his wife and her debilitating illness that she is struggling with. He is working less so he can take of her. I was blown away by his honesty and vulnerability. We never feel like an " infectious patient" to him; he is real and sees more in Kourtney than just a child with a debilitating disease. I hope we can inspire him in his challenges that he is facing.

Kourtney and I left feeling satisfied and a little afraid. We don't know when the surgery will be but we hope it will be in the next few months. But we got a good chuckle about the chubby, protocol-following, ineffective dietician compared to Dr. C who couldn't care less that Kourtney may be infected and warms our hearts.

Now for life lesson time: I myself have been in this position where we see someone that may be "infected" with life's trials and journey's. We pass judgement on them and clad ourselves with barriers so that they can't penetrate our lives because we fear that it may destroy our reputation or rub off on us. But yet what we really need to do is open our lives up to the people who are hurting and have been inflicted with disease of the mind, body and soul. To be an effective person in life it is vital that you break down the barriers created by fear, pride and lack of energy. When you have nothing to give, that is when you have the most. It is a process and when you get there the outcomes are rewarding beyond imagination.

Happy Mother's Day

Just celebrated the best Mother's Day ever. Todd made crepes and had his family over. The weather is warmish so we opened up our pool and Shaelyn made the plunge into the 67 degree pool. Soon Claire and Drew splashed their way in and Uncle John surprised everyone by making the plunge. Leanne and I were content to sit in the hottub, and greet our polar bear swimmers attempting to warm up.

It was a truely wonderful day. Although being Mom has brought pain, it has brought more joy. The cards I received from my children clearly reflected that my girls love their mommy!!

(check out Shaelyn skips 2 on the right hand side of the blog...so amazing what Shaelyn has learned in 4 months of being a skipping sensation).

Sigh . . .

This week is a bit brighter for all of us. Everyone in our household is lighter and happier. I feel like the depression cloud is starting to wane and I am able to sort things out a lot easier. We took our weekly trip to Costco yesterday. I didn't have my purse and Todd forgot his wallet. Instead of being upset I went home and got my purse, Todd shopped, and the girls went to the book aisle and looked at books together. I was able to come back and pay for the goods that we bought and didn't have to wait in line. The girls are getting along so well lately; they sit together in the van and giggle, Shaelyn has decided she likes to sing as well so they are starting to sing together. Last year Kourtney could not stand it when Shaelyn was even close to her. Most of the time Shaelyn sat in the back seat of the van because they just could not get along. I love hearing them laugh with each other and cherish their "sister times" together.

I have started my challenge, this one is totally different than the one I did in February. I have decided to take charge of my life again. The biggest area is organizing, communicating and meal planning with my family. Sunday is the day that we will all sit down and talk about our week: what it looks like, when dressing changes will be and what we want to eat for meals that week. I feel like when life gets so busy that I need to connect with my family and try to come up with the "shape of the week". People may think this may be the control freak in me coming out but I feel that with my family there is no middle ground. Control freak or complete chaos in the household that is what it is. I also am not trying to control my family but trying to regain control of my life which in turn will help out my family.

The Kujawa parties have started even before the opening our our pool. In the next two weeks I will be hosting 2 baby showers. Many people are expected at each party - I love doing parties. I am not Martha Stewart -maybe more Rachel Ray, a little more carefree. When our pool season starts, there will be an endless amount of hosting parties. I am looking forward to that!

I am still doing my yoga, but haven't done a lot of running. I am planning on starting this next week. I still want to do a half Marathon before I am 40. With the nicer weather I am so much more motivated. So . . . I am moving on to my next challenge. Having perspective is what I need, and taking charge of my life is the only way to continue on in life's journey.