We are Home!

Last night they weaned Kourtney off the morphine and she did very well although she was very sleepy. Our goal today (Sat) was to go to our caregiver Lorraine's wedding. However, Kourtney still needed to get an iron infusion Saturday morning. We had cancelled her q6 weekly infusion knowing she would have an IV for her surgery. Unfortunately the morphine and the iron could not go at the same time. The IV held out until 1 hour before the infusion but went interstitial causing a very swollen arm. There was no way that she could handle another IV poke; we wanted to get out of there for Lorraine's wedding.

Disappointed and emotionally fragile, I honestly felt I was on the verge of an emotional breakdown. We got home 45 minutes before the wedding started, I hadn't showered in 2 days and  Kourtney's dressings needed to be done. After the dressing change she was so drowsy I didn't think she would make it to the wedding reception. She was also concerned with the way she looked, although she hasn't peeked, and I was worried about the stares she would get. The plan was that Shae and I would go to the reception and Kourtney would come later with Todd just to see Lorraine. Tonight though, something very unexpected and beautiful happened. I'll get to it in a moment.

Last week I sat in our "center court" service at church. Our pastor prayed for Kourtney and I cried through most of the service. Only one lady other than my mom in law came and sat and talked to me. The service was full of people that Kourtney and I both knew (I am sorry if you are one of them but you've got to understand how much it hurt). Not one person came and talked to Kourtney and I after the service, not one person sitting in that service sent a email or facebook message, not one person remotely showed that they cared. I even saw one person walk a big circle around us so she didn't have to say anything. I came to the realization that its not they don't care, but that they don't know how to care. It was a  realization that came over me like salt on an open wound . . . it hurt more then anyone could imagine. JUST SAYING!! 

With that awkward and uncomfortable moment in my head I wondered how Kourtney could go to Lorraine's wedding with a scabby mouth propped open,  a swollen face and constant drool in her mouth.

At the reception we got seated with Lorraine's biological mom and 2 step brothers and sisters. Knowing some of Lorraine's history, I knew that they were somewhat estranged by Lorraine's family. Lorraine had  been able to look past all the "wrongs" committed in the past and has a genuine love for her family sitting at the table with us. They had met Kourtney before and were so looking forward to seeing her at the wedding. Lorraine's mom even cried when she found out Kourtney may not be at the wedding. Allison and Carter expressed her disappointment when she saw me come without Kourtney. While we were eating, Todd came in and told Lorraine that Kourtney was in the van. Lorriane and Brett took off like a shot and so did her step brother and sister. I warned them that Kourtney looked different. None of them cared, they came to see Kourtney and genuinely cared for her. After an awkward moment Kourtney made the brave decision to enter the arena of stares and awkward silence. But that did not happen, instead she was greeted with hugs , and well wishes from people she didn't even know. How Beautiful was that! Lorraine's mom was thrilled and told me that she knew it was hard for all us but how much joy she had knowing Kourtney was there!! Wow! Can we ever learn a lesson from the brokenhearted.

After that we were blessed by a visit from the beautiful Visser family!! So much Peace came to me after that; so thankful for them!

Advice for the next time there may be someone hurting . . . try a hug, an email or Starbucks card (HEE). Don't even try to do it now because . . . well it would be a bit patronizing.  It speak volumes! Doing nothing for fear of saying or doing the wrong thing is way more hurtful, than someone who sticks their foot in their mouth!  Please read this and take action, because what Lorraine's family did for Kourtney and I today made the world of difference to us!

I have to say though that I do have great support many great friends and family! I just needed to point out that our ability to care in a church has become a disability. The place where we should feel the most love and acceptance is the place where we feel the most rejected. WHY? I don't know, but I hope to change that!