The Fog is Gone

This weekend I am starting back to work in maternity. I have been off work for 5 1/2 months now, and finally feel like I am emotionally ready to go back. For years I feel that I have walked around in a fog: preoccupied with dressing changes, IEP meetings, organizing caregivers, treating infections, setting up surgeries, Dr's appointments, and juggling medications, all while fighting ongoing sleep deprivation. This last month I have become a consultant for Kourtney's care and focused on just being Kourtney's mom. At last I feel like I can see clearly. My relationship with Kourtney has changed dramatically. We both feel free to be who we are naturally . . . mom and daughter. Although, physically, Kourtney's body has declined, her mental health is so much better since going back to school with her friends. Her sense of humour has been restored. When we got back from Mexico, Kourtney emailed me and told me that I looked like I had fallen asleep in a tanning bed. (I had a funny reaction to the sun).

There is still a lot of anxiety around Kourtney's bath time. I cannot be around when Kourtney has her bath, as Kourtney has a lot of anticipatory anxiety, and usually has herself worked up before her bath. This is something that has made me crazy over the years as we have given Kourtney many tools to help her cope with her anticipatory pain. Generally, once Kourtney is in the tub, she is OK. We are now starting using some positive reinforcement when she can try to relax before her bath. Positive reinforcement = bribes. She is working towards some things she would like to own.

We are using the honey dressings again, and although they sting when they are first applied, the results have been very positive. I have even sent pictures to the company, and they want to use them for promoting their product. In turn we get free stuff to try . . . speaking of bribes.

Well . . . what more can I say? Will this honeymoon end? I sure hope not, because it feels like there has been a huge load lifted off my shoulders. I feel I can get out of bed in the morning and not dread the day. I also know that there is a team in place that is committed to looking after Kourtney. I realized how much they cared when we were in Mexico. It was pretty cool leaving my children, and not having to worry. Thanks to everyone for your prayers, during this difficult journey.

Janelle