Hullabaloo

Lexi taking a nap under the Christmas tree.

After all the hullabaloo about the PICC line, it came out with just a gentle tug. However, we did go into Children's yesterday, and were completely surprised that the new bridge had decreased the traffic congestion that over that last 15 years to which we have become numb. The radiologist gave us hope that he could "dissect" the PICC line by first using numbing cream, but cautioned that if it caused too much pain Kourtney would have to come back get anaesthetized next week. This made Kourtney (and I) more anxious. In order for the numbing cream to work it had to stay on for the longest hour of our week. Kourtney was super anxious and cried when her arm was touched by the radiologist. Just as the freezing needle was going to placed the radiologist tugged on the line . . . and out it came. We all started giggling and laughing and Kourtney was in a state of shock that she didn't feel a thing. The radiologist said it made his week!  (The most amazing part was that the line wasn't secured very well, so the fact we got so much use out of it is a true miracle, and big kudos to Todd on securing during the dressing changes so it never pulled out.)

It was great to get out with Kourtney yesterday, but her pent up anxiety took a toll on her and she had more pain than usual. As I have stated before, Kourtney's road to recovery is going to be long.  It is very difficult for me to find the balance between how much we push Kourtney to get back into "living" again and how much rest she needs.  I have really changed my perspective from 4 years ago, as Kourtney is the one who now needs to decide what she can and can't do.  I have taken my expectations off which is the most difficult, but right, thing for a mom of a teenager to do. Kourtney's anticipatory pain, and emotional exhaustion play havoc with a body that is already diseased.  I can encourage her, do her dressings, and look after her the best way I know how.  Kourtney will need to decide if she wants to walk again, climb stairs and take charge of her educational needs. I simply can be her best cheerleader, but I can no longer play the game for her.

I have a feeling that our life is going to change dramatically as we once again need to find a new normal.