Bc cancer agency

Most of you will be reading this early Wednesday morning, we will be on the road already. Kourtney has a pet scan tomorrow. If all goes smooth we should be done by 1000 and hopefully Home before lunch. But I have a feeling that it may not be easy. When I received the call about the appointment I was flat out told they would not use a picc line to put the contrast in.(  I contacted the radiologist that put the line and he gave the clearance to use it.. So I am not sure how that will play out tomorrow. Nothing is ever straightforward with her.

I knew this day was coming but nothing could of prepared me for it. I have been paralyzed by fear, I have kept myself busy with cleaning and organizing, but find myself having to lay down beside Kourtney or sit next to her that is if Lexi our dog isn't beside her. Lexi knows there is something  up. Kourtney  assures me the scans will be fine however both of us know the cancer is still there and it's going to take another couple of surgeries to see it disappear. . And as per the textbook anything short of  a miracle  the cancer will return.  Speaking of miracles it's Shaes birthday on Friday, anyone who knows her story knows miracles can happen. Although it hasn't happened for Kourtney we pray for the cancer will be gone and never come back.

So how do you pray? How do you talk to aGod? How do you live not being paralyzed by fear.? A dear friend of mine just lost her child before Christmas. Her daughter had so many odds stacked up against just like my Kourtney. I asked her how she had to process knowing her child's life was going to  be short but they are suffering? She spoke wise words and said you need to pray for mercy. That made so much sense and I received peace from it.

The one thing I have to keep perspective on is  Kourtney isn't sick. Although there is cancer in her body she still can still go out, move eat and of course go to Disneyland. Our goal is to get there in 3 weeks. If the scans are clear she will have surgery soon, if the scans aren't clear that's a whole  new level of conversation. Praying for clear scans.

I am off to sleep, I have an early morning ahead.