RESTING

Kourtney had the best sleep she has ever had in a long time. She is still sleeping. I know she needs the rest.

Yesterday, Kourtney and I spent time alone with the psychologist. We are working on ways to make Kourtney's baths easier. The other day she observed the dressing change so she had a huge understanding how difficult it was for her and for me as a mom.

After that Kourtney and I watched two movies and had a quiet evening.

We also received a letter of apology from the doctor that prescribed the medication that gave Kourtney a violent reaction. I felt that there has been closure to this and now have to put the whole ordeal to rest. We requested a letter of apology, just so that we could feel that she understood how much trauma our whole family faced during this time.

Today I feel a little overwhelmed by everything. I need lots of prayer. I sometimes feel like this load has been mine to carry for so long, everything about Kourtney we have learned through trial and error. Reading my past blogs I have realized that there always has been some kind of obstacle that we have had to tackle over the years. This is the biggest one because we are in the hospital again (Kourtney's longest stay before all this was 9 days when she was 2). The doctors are quite concerned because of the open area on her back that doesn't seem to be healing, and all the other open sores on her body that the infection ravaged through. Really, truth be told, we don't meet the criteria for being admitted, but because one doctor finally took us on we are are here, and I feel I don't have to do this alone. Our plastic surgeon is quite willing to play quarterback for us and help us get through this. I feel relieved that I am not on my own with this any more. In 11 years this is the first time that I had to ask for expert advice, most of the time I have gone through these crisis's on my own and have told the doctors what Kourtney needs. I remember when Kourtney was first born I brought her home from the hospital, I just had this sick feeling about the responsibility of caring for a child with high needs. I don't think anything can ever prepare yourself for watching your child suffer. The psychologist says I am detached. . . yep, I probably am, but it is a defense mechanism. Yesterday, I just laid with Kourtney on her bed and watched movies, she wanted me right beside her. I think that is why she slept so well, she needed me just to be her mommy not her nurse. It was nice.

Oh dear, after all this rambling, she is still sleeping. I am not going to disturb her.

I still haven't been able to apply for employment insurance yet because my sick time bank has not been emptied. I have been phoning my manager over the last two weeks and have not heard from her. Today I phoned the old manager and told her I needed this solved so I can get paid. Thankfully, I was able to talk directly to her she was going to resolve this. Please pray that I get paid my sick time and than I can get paid through EI (which will take 28 days). Just another thing to irk me, especially when finances are the one area that we have done well with. Just another control issue that I have to leave with the Lord.

Sure looking forward to seeing my bro tomorrow and Shaelyn.....she is going to take two days off of school and spend time with me here and at the hotel. I do believe Madagascar comes out on Friday. We are going to that with Kourtney!!!!

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